A Life Update since the Beginning of 2024

How Life’s Treating Me

Took a long break since I last wrote and I really miss this feeling — the feeling of having my own “Me Time”, writing and analysing my days. I would be lying if I said life is good, but it’s not. Nothing’s been great, nothing extraordinary happened and truthfully, everything has been exceptionally difficult.

Everyday is packed with activities, tons of work, errands to run, people to meet, and there’s no time for myself, at all. Days just completely filled with tasks that pay the bills. Is this what it feels like to be an adult?

When I say these out loud — on the outside, things sound normal and it’s just “life” happening, but on the inside, everything is crumbling. Mentally, I am absolutely destroyed. I’m broken and I can’t get out of the rabbit hole. I feel like I’m dragging myself to do everything just so I can pay the bills and continue surviving.

People call it “living with a high-functioning mental illness”, I suppose.

Running Away from Everything

With so many events happening the past few weeks, I’ve tried giving myself a day or two for a breather amidst the chaos — but it’s not enough.

I’m way too burned out. I can’t think clearly or even focus on what I used to do best.

I just want to run away from everything. I just want a day where I don’t have to care about anything or anyone but myself. A day where I can just do whatever I want, rest however much I want, and just go completely off the grid.

Oh, what a feeling it would be.

As much as I want that, I can’t. There are too many responsibilities that I can’t simply disregard. I can only compromise as much as I can, and not making things as hard for myself.

Struggling to Handle Life

Decisions, decisions, decisions. For context, currently, this is yet another important point in my life where I have to decide what I want to do in this next phase of my life, academic wise. Do I go for further studies, study abroad, study locally, start my own business, follow my dreams, or what? I’m at a loss, I’m torn between the choices.

There’s so many factors that complicate things and I can only slowly take my time to think it through.

Time is of the essence here and I’m really fighting against it. Every day that passes by is time lost. How am I supposed to find out which decision would be best for me when I can’t even make time for myself?

Another thing to note — I realised I’ve become a people pleaser recently and I try to satisfy everyone as much as I can. But right now, I’m tired of doing that. It’s time to put myself first. I’m tired of having to sacrifice myself for others when no one would do the same for me. I’m done. 

I need myself.

Trying to Pace Myself

When life gets this busy, I like to pace myself — planning my days and making sure everything gets done by their deadlines. To be honest, being organised is the least I could do for myself when I’m so mentally defeated.

Ironically, I get everything but my own stuff done. The level of neglect hurts me so bad that I feel sorry for myself.

But, if this blog post goes through and you’re reading this, it means I finally made some time for myself. I hope I won’t have to ever feel like this again — where I am unable to put myself first, because I realise that showing love for myself is far more important than anything else.

It’s been rough, but I hope things will get better. 

Thanks for reading, I hope you have a nice day 🙂

Quote of The Blog

This is your reminder that you can handle anything life throws at you.

– Unknown