The Feeling of Nothingness
Were there days where you don’t feel anything at all? The days where you wake up, live through the day, and at the end of the day, you think back on what you did but your mind can’t seem to acknowledge anything? It’s almost like you’d forgotten what you did and it felt like you did nothing. You feel nothing.
Today was one of those days for me.
I felt nothing at the end of the day. I had to think really hard to even remember what I did. (To recap, I cleaned the house, settled some admin stuff, watched a couple of shows and that’s about it.)
Such simple things yet I almost had no recollection of any of them. I don’t have short term memory, just in case you’re wondering.
But why? Why do I feel nothing? I thought I had a productive day but in my head, it also felt like I didn’t do anything today, because I feel nothing.
My head is a mess.
After everything I did today, I didn’t want to do anything else at night. It wasn’t a long day, nor a stressful one. It’s just another regular day where I carry out my usual routines. I even slept in.
I don’t understand this “thing” that I’m currently experiencing, so I’m writing it down. That’s all I can do, really. Documenting my feelings in hopes that someone could somewhat relate to it. Hoping that someone would read this and know how I feel.
This is the best thing I can do in this situation — just straight up confront my “invisible” feelings, the feeling of nothingness, because what else can I even do?
Writing allows me to think with clarity, although sometimes I would just dump all my thoughts and feelings into a blank document, but I do sort them out after.
Anyhoo, I hope this feeling goes away after I finish writing this blog. It’s slowly taking a toll on me and I’m still recovering from my previous wave of spirals. This isn’t going to end well if my mind keeps allowing itself to think about “nothing”, so hopefully writing would be a solution to this.
Though it’s a short read, thanks for reading. There isn’t really any structure in this blog and I’d like to keep it that way, because after all, this is a personal blog, haha.