My mind is noisy and I hate it. This is different from the usual stuff I write, but I just want to take a moment to share where my mind has been the past few days.
Lately, things aren’t going well, mentally. I can’t explain what it feels like, so allow me to try and describe it.
My mind has been all over the place and I can’t focus on any one thing. It feels noisy. It feels like it’s going to explode from all these thoughts that are floating around. If you ask me to pick one thought and share it with you, I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint a single thought and tell you, because I simply, can’t.
A brain fog, if you will.
My head feels heavy. There’s this intense throbbing pain in different areas of my head that feels like a migraine, except that it’s not. Tension all over my arms — it feels like they’re going to combust with every movement I make. Pain in my stomach that constantly feels like I’m being punched at. Eyes that feel strained all the time. There’s a constant “worrying” feeling in my head as if I’d forgotten to do something, or I’m missing out on something.
Every moment I’m awake feels like torture.
Why do I feel this way, you ask? I don’t know. I really don’t. Maybe I’m not eating right, I’m not drinking enough water, I’m not doing anything to comfort myself after everything I went through, I’m not putting myself in a place where it’s good for me. Maybe, just maybe, I have neglected to prioritise myself. There are so many possibilities to a question when you don’t have the answer. Maybe it’s the cumulation of all the small things that I had neglected that have come to hit me in the face all at once? I don’t know.
How can I make myself feel better when I’m feeling this low? How can I recover from this annoying feeling of not being able to think clearly?
I’ve tried everything that came to mind — writing, reading, playing games, sleeping. But I still can’t seem to fix it. I’ve tried writing, but I’m just met with a writer’s block and the lack of motivation. I’ve tried reading, but nothing is going into my head. I’ve read a paragraph in a book 5 times and I still can’t grasp the idea of it. I’ve tried playing games, but to no avail. I don’t even feel like playing. I’ve tried sleeping my problems away just like any other sane person would. Nothing.
I’m no stranger to situations like this, where everything I do, annoys me. Yet, I still don’t know how to fix it.
Perhaps the next time when I feel this way again, I’ll have the answer — because I would’ve recovered and gotten back into this awful state, again. And perhaps this time — I just might have the solution.
If you’ve read till the end, thank you for “listening” to me. I really appreciate it. I hope you have a wonderful rest of the day/night/whatever the time is where you are.